Currently living in a world where we feel alone can be particularly hard. My hardest day has been today. I’ve struggled with not being able to see family and friends, however I’ve managed to overcome that through constant calls and texting.
Today was different though in so many ways. I had my 28 week midwife appointment this morning. It is the first appointment I have attended in which I have experienced so many emotions battling with one another inside me and yet there was still a part of me that remained calm and focused. I was like a swan – looked calm and relaxed on the outside, but inside I was paddling frantically to a conclusion.
My first measurements were taken in this appointment and my midwife informed me that baby appears to be on the small side at 26cm. Due to this discovery I have been booked in next week for a growth scan. This will provide us with a clearer insight as to how baby is developing. Following that scan I will also have an Anti-D injection due to my blood type of rhesus negative.
What struck me first was that I was receiving this news alone, I didn’t have anyone familiar sharing the experience with me or providing me with a supportive gesture. I felt lonely. Immediately questions were flying around my head, mainly based on what ifs and outcomes.
When I left the hospital an hour later I contacted my partner, my best friend and rang my mum. I needed to hear a familiar voice, the voice that has comforted me since the day I was born.
Despite constant reassurance, initially from my midwife and then from family and friends, I am still worrying. My midwife told me to take it one step at a time, explaining it could be baby’s position which is contributing towards the measurement outcome. She also advised that my petite figure would probably mean I am more likely to give birth to a small baby.
Even so, it doesn’t necessarily make the process any easier. I’m trying to prepare for every eventuality whilst also remaining positive.
It’s ok to be afraid though, at any point, but especially now. In such unprecedented times when expectant mothers have to attend appointments alone, it can be difficult and overwhelming. Whether it is your first pregnancy or third, the pure absence of someone accompanying you to appointments is difficult enough. With the addition of bumps (big or small) along the way it can almost feel like you are a lonely target.
However, remember no matter what you are experiencing, you are not alone. Every expectant/new mother will feel alone at some point. It is the realisation of support being a phone call away, online forums and groups being accessible from the comfort of your sofa. Sometimes, simply keeping busy means you have less time to worry or overthink.
Recently, I have taken to binge reading, following exercise tutorials online and binge watching new TV series. I also ensure I go for a walk everyday.
So, if you are finding things difficult or simply want a non-biased fellow pregnant lady to talk to, do not hesitate in contacting. Often enough, sharing problems feels like a great weight has been removed from your shoulders.